i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
