This girl is more easily done than said...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
