Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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