I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize