hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
