I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
