Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
