Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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