I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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