Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
