New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
