Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
