Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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