I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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