shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
