I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
