The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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