he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
