If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize