you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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