FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
