Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
