got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am midnight drunk by noon
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
