You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
