It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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