I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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