I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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