Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
