I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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