I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
