Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize