let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
