Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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