I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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