That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
and you fell through a lawn chair
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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