I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
