Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
