Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just had sex on a roof
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
