I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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