I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
