I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
