i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
