Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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