Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Will exercising make me less horny?
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