my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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