You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
