Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize