she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
