Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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