My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
