Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
