Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize