after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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