so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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