her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize