You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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