I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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