i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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