Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
