what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
