It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
