The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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