Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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