So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
