He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
