i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
