I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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