the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
