so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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