i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
