It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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