we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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