before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize