not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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